Stress

Why is it I let things stress me out so much??
I finally get to see my little Bro man today!!  Ahhhh I have missed him sooooo much!!

Don't look at the mess in my car- I'm gonna blame that on "I've been trying to get consignment stuff together" wink wink..... Even though my car is a mess almost ALWAYS!! (Notice the upside down sippy in between his legs, lol)

Why is it every time I clean my car completely, I always say, "I'm gonna keep it clean this time" and within a couple days it is already a wreck again!!

Being a single parent is an overall stressful situation in itself!

Living paycheck to paycheck is an even more stressful situation... That's why I am turning to the Dave Ramsey plan

I am so tired of worrying about whether I will overdraft before my next check comes in!

I never used to worry about money- I would spend and spend and spend and I would still have money- That was before I started x-ray school- I worked at Sonic and I didn't have as much to pay for then. I have ALOT more things to pay for now- School loans, car loan, house, utilities, daycare, food, gas, insurance, & the list goes on and on and on.....  I know I ain't the only one out there that barely lives paycheck to paycheck.... and overdraft every now and then when you HAVE to... So instead of being stressed out all the time about $$, I am turning to the Dave Ramsey plan... I think I am a very cheap person, if I go somewhere I ALWAYS look for coupons!! Yes I do have a smart phone and pay a little extra for that, but I use it a lot when I am at places- I 

coupons and hand it to the person and be like "here is a 30% off" OHHH YA- Just saved $3 for every $10- so ya I think my 

is worth the money- I really don't know what I would do without it........

So enough about money- It is making me stressed just talking about it lol.......
Trying to lose weight stresses me out as well....... You know it's bad when you can't resist the temptation- It is very sad to say but food is an addiction!!!  It is very hard for me to be in the same room with bad food- For instance, Tony text me wanting some 

....... I was like "please don't make me get em because I know as soon as I get in the car I am gonna have to eat at least 1" Needless to say the oreos were on sale and I opened the package before I could leave Kroger and the 1 turned to 6 before I could even get to the house... Just talking about em right now makes me hungry!! That is horrible...  Oh ya btw, I got the regular stuffed instead of double- wanna know why- because u get more cookies in the package- lol...... 
Brody eats the icing off oreos and gives me the rest of the cookie, just like he eats the icing off cupcakes and gives me the cupcake... or as he calls cupcakes (birthday cakes) lol

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend =) 

 

 

Wow it has been a while

Well when i 1st started this whole blog thing I thought it was gonna be a pretty regular thing for me- Once a week or what not...... Well I been slacking a little :( My bad..... I think I enjoy reading other people blogs more than I like typing my own.... Well obviously.... 
Brody is getting so big- He is getting so smart- He is talking more and more every day... He has been with his dad since last friday and I don't get him back until this coming friday at 6pm... I cant even begin to start to tell you how much I have missed that little boy... I feel like it has been a whole month!! 
I know it's bad that I started letting Brody sleep with me again- but I feel like that is our quality time now... When he is ready for bed he will grab his sippy, a couple little 4wheelers, dirt bikes or a tractor and his blankie and say "you ready to go to bed" and starts walking to my room and points to my bed...   :( I cant say no- I know most people say "you HAVE got to put him in his OWN bed"... 
I know it is gonna be really hard for him to start sleeping in his own bed again but I just wanna snuggle with the little guy while I have the opportunity- I just feel like I don't really get to spend much quality time with him and that is "our" time... Ya I guess I cant complain, at least I get him basically every other weekend now, right?? 
Before we settled our whole deal in mediation I got to spend about 22 hours of awake time with my son... Now that I look back at the whole ordeal it makes me sick.. I lost about a year of my sons life bc someone wanted to be selfish and feel like they didn't get to spend enough time with their son-Might I add, HE was getting to spend about 36 hours of awake time with him!! 
So now that we are settled in mediation, on my weeks where I get him on the weekend- I get to spend about 40 hrs with him and on the weeks where his dad gets him on the weekends I get about 16..... And I would also like to add that I still haven't received a penny of child support- Those of you who know me personally know that I filled for this whole ordeal 15 months ago... I have never seen anything like it!! 
But besides the point, I am very thankful that I have my son in my life, he has for sure changed my life!!
I didn't plan to get pregnant or for me and Brody's dad to seperate... Things happen for a reason... And for that reason we may never know... All I want is for everyone to be happy and for everyone to be happy for everyone... But since Tyler (brody's dad) is going to have to pay me child support he will always hate me... I don't want to be best friends or anything but I would like to not have to feel like there is always a fight to be fought... We weren't happy together so why can't we be happy apart?? Atleast get along for Brody's sake???
That's all for now, hopefully I can get on here a little sooner next time... So I will leave yall with this cute little white butt for now-

Yes I know he is only 2 but he has already starting playing baseball- Hopefully he will play in the major leagues ;)

Brody is finally here LOL

So ya, that was over 2 years ago but I'm still talking about the past and trying to get to the present LOL....
I am not gonna lie, raising a child is not easy but it is def worth it!!
Me and Brody's dad split up after he was about 9 months old- We tried working it out once since then but ya it never happened... I really wanted us to be together for Brody, but it just wasn't right! We stayed together for almost 6 years! I can not even begin to explain how much I learned from that relationship, still learning every single day!! It is amazing how much a person can change! I have def become closer with my child- I cherish every minute I get to spend with him, even if we are just laying in bed watching cartoons and eating chips lol (I was woke up at 2am the other morning to crunching of potato chips and crumbling of the bag) I guess 2 year olds get the munchies too hahaha... 
I didn't file for child support until April 2010_ Brody was 1 year and a month old
I was served with papers from Tyler's (Brody's dads) lawyer, he wanted custody and for me to pay him child support and the whole 9 yards! Thanks but no thanks, I did not and do not want my child taken away from me... I didn't care how much it cost or what I had to do but he was not taking my child away from me!!
As of today June 2011_ Brody is 2 years and 3 months old- 2 lawyers later, I still haven't received a penny..  It is supposedly almost done, just waiting for the judge to sign off on it... All I have to say is, I'm glad I have a good job that I can afford to support me and my child without it! 
I had to fire my 1st lawyer, she wasn't getting anything done- I only spoke with the woman once and that was the only time I ever even seen her- she only wrote 1 letter and she would never return phone calls and I was being charged for every phone call I made and spoke with the receptionist (which was not a very nice lady and I had to give her a little piece of my mind as well)... So ya needless to say I lost my retainer fee plus they said I still owed them money- I told them "good luck with that lol" 
So ya I never wanna have to deal with another lawyer for the rest of my life! And when they tell u a retainer fee, that is not for everything, that is just a start of it!
More to come>>>>>>

*Where I left off with the past*

So we finally got to take the little feller home =) We were only in the hospital for a week and it seemed like an eternity- When we finally got to leave the hospital, it felt like I was leaving a jail and I had served my time lol...
I don't remember if I ever mentioned what ended up being wrong with Brody (NICU experience)? It ended up only being acid reflux! So about 90% of the time that he would eat he would spit it back up... I was very paranoid that he would spit up in the middle of the night and choke, so i always put him in arms reach of me when he was asleep... So ya we tried like 5 diff formulas and ended up using the most expensive kind you can buy i think lol... By the time we got to leave the hospital I was feeling pretty good- I was not to sore and was getting around pretty good...

Exactly a month after I had my c-section, I started hurting really bad and was soooo sick... I was sick on and off the day before but the next day I was so sick that I couldn't even hold Brody- I had to call my mom and have her come over bc I couldn't do anything but cry and lay in the bathtub in pain... So my mom came to my rescue as she usually does (shes the best mom ever!!) When she got there she was freaking out, she thought maybe I had an infection or something from my c-section... So we got in the car and I told momma to gas it, I think she hit every single hole in the road possible lol... Its funny now but then it was not to funny...  I was so sick that I would open the door as she was going down the road to throw up and told her not to stop to just gas it! She was seriously going like 95 on the 4lane... Momma dropped me off at the entrance and went to park the car.. When I walked into the ER I have never seen them get somebody back so quick, I didn't even get to fill my paperwork out and they didn't even let me sit down- As soon as I walked in the people that were waiting in line to check in even let me in front of them because they knew it was something serious- So they got me back and into a room so quick I called momma to let her know where I was at and I was kinda moody- guess where she was? She was still at the car trying to get the car seat out of the car lol... She couldn't figure it out bahahah- Well she finally got him out of the car after I was trying to explain it to her in severe pain, talking about being annoyed! The ER is a not so good place for a 1 month old to be in the 1st place but hey what was I suppose to do, I didn't want to be by myself because I didn't know what was going on- I couldn't even point to exactly where I was hurting, it was more of an all over pain- So they finally hooked me up to some good drugs for pain- They done a CT on me and while we was waiting for results the doctor came in and asked where I was hurting now and I was in no pain at all!! Its amazing what a lil IV pain meds can do lol.. SO the CT results come back and it was my appendix! I guess from where I had my c-section when they was putting me back together they messed up my appendix- They took me back quick, emergency surgery..  It couldn't have happened at a better time- I already had met my deductible from my c-section so it couldn't have been more perfect :) Momma took Brody home with her and came back to pick me up the next day- The doctor said my appendix was in there all crazy and behind my intestines so they almost had to open me up again but they finally got to them and that i was going to be really sore because he has to work his way around everything.. I think I was more sore from my appendix than my c-section..

What's next? So then to add to that my dad found out he had stomach cancer.. Chemo & Radiation for quite some time then he had surgery to remove his stomach then chemo and radiation to follow.. I have always been a true believer in "everything happens for a reason"... It brung me back closer to my dad and also brung me back closer to God... Before my mom and dad divorced I was a daddy's girl, then that brung me closer to my mom because I had to be there for her and was no longer as close to my dad... Now daddy is CANCER FREE!! I'm so thankful to be blessed with such amazing parents!!

My time at home with Brody was great but I was soooo ready to go back to work! After being put on bedrest before I had him and then 6 weeks after- It was very hard leaving him- yes I cried on the way to work lol... but the babysitter sent me pics of him and that helped alot! When I picked him up I was sooo excited to see him..
Thats all for now...... More to come......


P.S- Life couldn't get much better =)

*THE PAST CONTINUED*

Ok so I left off with me finding out I was pregnant with Brody...
How I found out I was pregnant? July 7th 2008-  I was really sick that morning, like it was more like a pain under my ribs and throwing up nauseous feeling, it got worse after lunch... My friends at work talked me into using one of my 3 free sick visits, if it wouldnt have been free I never woulda even went.. so that is the only reason I went to the doctor, I went up and seen him and he sent me down for lab work and xrays... I went and got my labs drawn and then headed over for my xrays- I didnt have the slightest thought that I was pregnant, the only thing I had on my mind was I was sick please give me a shot or something or please do something bc something is wrong!! So they look in the computer to see if they done a pregnancy test on me and yep sure enough they did- he didnt tell me he was doin a serum on me but owell Im glad he did bc ya I was pregnant and I woulda totally let them do an xray on me wo even having the thought in my head that I was even pregnant..
So the pregnancy went on and I gained tons of weight (I had set in my mind that I was gonna gain weight anyways, so I my as well eat what I wanted).. IDK what I was thinking- Lets just say I gained ALOT and for future refrence I will not act like that again!! So my pregnancy went pretty well at the beginning- I only had morning sickness the day I found out I was pregnant- the only time I was ever really sick was in the evenings and at night.. I was tired more than anything!! I didnt want to do anything around the house- my B12 and iron was really low so that didnt help any..
Lol- for Halloween I was a pregnant bride in Vegas marrying one of my best friends at work(a girl dressed up as a guy)- Elvis that married us was another on of my friends at work (girl dressed as Elvis) SO funny- Hopefully I can find some pics and post em... I didnt even really look pregnant then just fat..
We took a road trip to New York around Thanksgiving (4/5 months pregnant)- ugh I was sick- I called one of my BFFs from work and had her call upstairs and my dr wasnt in the office that day so she had the dr on call call me in a script from Murfreesboro TN to a New York pharmacy- Shew I never woulda even thought that was possible!! Tennessee to New York- thats a long drive especially for someone who is pregnant lol ... I drove the whole way back..
So then I stopped getting sick for quite some time- and then prob around 7/8 months my blood pressure started going crazy and I had protein in my urine- It went on for a couple weeks- It would always happen in the afternoon- my face would get really flushed and I could just tell something wasnt right- So my OB dr is just upstairs from where I work so ya really convenient- I had to go up there a couple times and they would monitor me and the baby.. They sent me to the hospital a couple times as well for us to be monitored.. So they finally just made me be on bedrest- Talking about horrible, who wants to just lay in bed? Not me!! So then I had to come 2 days a week to the doctor to make sure everything was still ok- errrr that got old quick.. So everytime they would check my blood pressure it was high and he knew that I really wanted to work bc I needed the money- So he let me make the call but he told me if my blood pressure got real high up again that he was gonna take me back out of work- So of course it did and I was put back on bed rest..
So as the time got closer he decides he is gonna insert a balloon (in office precedure VERY PAINFUL!!) to get me to dilate and sent me over to the hospital to be monitored- the balloon was suppose to just fall out after i started dilating- well i never even dilated enough for it to come out- so they took it out and started me on pitocin- still not dilated- over the night Brodys heart beat started dropping- they took me off pitocin and started it back the next morning- well heart beat started dropping again- Ok so I had already been in the hospital long enough for no progress- everything seemed to be getting worse instead of better- they finally called the dr late tuesday night and he came in and talked to me about everything that was going on- He said that he could do a csection tonight and I was like heck yes Im ready to get this baby out of me- it was only best for the both of us at this point
So they got me all prepped and ready for the OR- I was nervous but not that nervous- well not until I got inside the room- Having a csection is really weird I guess u could say- I felt everything that was goin on but not painful... So he cut me open and brody was not wanting to come out at all he was goin as far up my chest as possible- I guess they only have so much time to get them out before something bad happens idk- so everybody was pushing on me trying to hurry and get him out- he wasnt coming- the doctor screamed "everbody stop!!"-so they got the suction thing out, I could hear the blood splattering on the curtain- sounded like my guts were being slung everywhere- Suction wasnt working he yelled at the nurse and told her to hurry and have people get in there and help- So the nurse run out and was yelling for everybody to get in there and help- people were jumping on top of me and pushing like crazy- It felt like I had people punching me in my gut and there was nothing I could do
Brody Douglas Lanphere was finally here @ 10:49PM  7lbs 9oz- 20 and 1/4 inches long...T hey brought him over to me as I was being put together to let me see him and give him a kiss before they took him to be put under heat lamp- As they were putting me back together I could hear them talking about how they just about didnt get him out in time- they thought I was asleep but I was just closing my eyes thanking the Lord that it was over and everything seemed to be ok...
They didnt bring him in till EARLY the next morning after I woke up from all the meds they had given me- They put me back  in the labor and delivery room after they took me out of the OR- thought that was kinda weird- they didnt move me into a different reg small room until later the next afternoon- His temperature got low and he started puking up brown old blood (they didnt seem to worried) then while he was in the nursery he spit up green bile (they sent him straight to the NICU)- They didnt know if his bowel was twisted, leak in his bowel, pyloric stenosis, something wrong with his liver? We didnt get to spend much time with him at all before he was taken- All I could do was cry!! I felt like I had been threw so much and now I was gonna have my baby taken from me- I was an emotional wreck- I didnt wanna be around neone or even talk to neone at this point.. So they didnt let him eat for like 2 days- they run several blood tests and done xrays and fluoro studies on him (poor baby prob is already glaring from radiation)- He has prob had more radiation than me and I work in it :(
They discharged me but they let me stay in a complimentary room because I was breast feeding him so I could go to the NICU every 2-3 hours.. So we finally got to go home a week later (felt like an eternity)....
More to come....


P.S- in the present time now I had an awesome Mothers Day weekend =)

*MY 1ST BLOG*

Well here I go.... My 1st blog, Im so excited to do this.. I remember when I used to get on Myspace.com all the time and I would love to blog- I think it is a great way to vent and just let everyone know how ur life is goin and what not... So instead of talking to someone about how life is u can just blog about it and if someone wants to know they can read it instead of talking to someone who doesnt really care about what u have to say =)

So how is my life goin? Life is great!! Alot has happened in the last years- so here is a little about what has went on...

I started xray school Jan '06- I started working as an xray student in Sept 2007 at Murfreesboro Medical Clinic part time- When I graduated xray school in January 2008 I went soon after and passed my xray boards (yayayay so exciting)- Me and 2 other girls from school (Keri & Karen) were so excited we went and got tattoos as soon as we left in Chattanooga!! Funny I know but I cant even begin to tell you how long those 2 years felt like- It was an emotional roller coaster!! I did not think I was ever gonna make it threw- 2 years straight with only having a week off about every 3 months was very stressful driving from woodbury to nashville every single  day 5 days a week... I have to admit, I wanted to quit so bad- if I didnt have my friends and family I never woulda made it threw!!

As soon as I passed my xray boards I started working full time at the Medical Center of Manchester (hospital) and still worked part time at the clinic.. As soon as a full time position was open at the clinic I took it and then only PRN at the hospital... Might I add, clinic work will spoil u and u will never want to work in a hospital again!! I cant even begin to tell u the benefit of working in a clinic as opposed to the hospital setting... Ok yes I can begin but once I got started I dont think I could stop lol.. Mon-fri, 8-5, no portables, no call, harldy ever see a stretcher or wheelchair patient, no ER, no OR, and the list goes on and on!! But neways- I still work at the hospital PRN and take call but only to keep my foot in the door and to have a little extra money, ya know? lol

I never knew how much going to xray school would benefit me until it was over!! I enjoy my job and for the most part the people I work with lol... Just kidding u know I love yall ;) But for serious, I cant imagine doing another job that I would enjoy as much as I do xray... oh ya and CT, what most of yall know it as CAT scans lol... Very thankful that I got to cross train in CT and go take my boards..

I moved into my house prob about June '08- A little house, only 2 bedrooms, 1 bath and a 3 stall barn attached, but hey its a start right? Its out in the country and thats what I love about it the most!!

So then 7-7-08, I found out that I was pregnant... Talking about another emotional roller coaster, I did not know what I was going to do.. I felt like everyone in my family was going to disown me and everyone was going to be so disappointed.. I mean take a look at me, I just graduated xray school and got 2 good jobs and got my own house, everything was just going so well and now Im pregnant?!?! I waited a couple day until I told everyone in my family, as I expected everyone was disappointed except my brother..  It didnt take very long for me to start getting a little excited about going to have a baby.. About the time I got excited about going to have a baby, I had an ultrasound and NO heart beat!!! Now what? I just came out and told all my family I was pregnant and now my baby isnt even alive?? Could this be true? Did I really get upset that I was pregnant? I felt horrible that I could of even been mad at myself for being pregnant and now my baby didnt even have a heartbeat!! So then about a week later I had another ultrasound and guess what??? There was a heartbeat- I was so excited at that point!! I wanted to be nothing but pregnant having a baby!! Its so weird looking at back at how that all went down. There was also another sac that looked like the baby was suppose to be a twin?? All i know is that it was meant to be and everything happens for a reason!!

More to come........